man. everytime i read thu's blog when its about colorguard, i want to cry. she always makes these observations that are so true, and i realize that i'm always so out of it and i don't notice these things because my head is clouded with all this other stuff, personal stuff that i pay attention to. i mean, i'm so freaking self-centered. dang. sometimes it so idealistic, too, what she says, and that makes my heart ache even more. :(

oh i fell into yesterday
oh our dreams seemed not far away
i want to i want to i want to stay
oh i fell into fantasy


i love mark and i will miss him forever. stupid judy has that piece of cloth that he cut. i wish i had something like that. I MISS HIM TERRIBLY. i want to at least see him again. hear his voice. even have him imitate me and make fun of me. nothing is the same anymore. NOTHING IS THE SAME. this year is spiraling downward and it is still continuing down the spiral. no one is making much of an effort to stop it, but who can blame us?